第35章 爱恨为劫,宿命为囚
笔趣阁(biquge321.com)更新快,无弹窗!
不可察、转瞬即逝、藏之最深的惶恐、怯懦与畏惧。
这是独属于活人的柔软情绪,是亡魂早已泯灭、怨煞早已遗失、鬼神早已隔绝、孤魂早已遗忘的人间心绪,是寒冰融化、执念松动、黑暗破晓、心魔消解、冰冷褪去之后,才会悄然显露的柔软软肋,是她百二十年幽暗孤寂、冰冷杀伐、坚硬自持、无牵无挂的人生里,第一次破土而出、无从掌控、无法预判、吉凶未知、爱恨两难的陌生期许与忐忑不安。
“若是我心里的恨,被别的东西替代了……”
她牢牢凝望着代川玉澄澈干净、赤诚温柔、满是牵挂、满眼疼惜、坚定不移的眼眸,目光澄澈又纷乱、温柔又惶恐、坚定又茫然、珍视又畏惧,字字轻轻落地、句句轻柔绵长、声声沉人心底,每一句话都是宿命的两难、每一个字都是无解的悖论、每一次停顿都是无声的挣扎、每一次呼吸都是温柔的沉沦,是她无法掌控、无从预判、极致畏惧、无力扭转、无路可逃的未知终局。
“我也会散。”
短短四字,轻如晚风、淡如流云、柔如细雨、静如落雪,却重逾千钧、寒彻神魂、击穿所有虚妄、碾碎所有期许、颠覆所有美好、冻结所有温柔,道尽了她百二十年所有的悲凉、所有的矛盾、所有的绝境、所有的宿命、所有的两难。
恨,则长存;爱,则湮灭。
这是她与生俱来、无法挣脱、无人可解、逆天无改、亘古不变的宿命悖论,是天地赠予她最残酷、最讽刺、最矛盾、最无解、最悲凉的永恒惩罚,是她百年沉沦、百年孤寂、百年隐忍、百年坚守换来的终极绝境。恨是她的枷锁,也是她的庇护;是她的痛苦,也是她的存续;是她的囚笼,也是她的支撑;是她的罪孽,也是她的底气。恨意不灭,她便可以永存世间、静待复仇、清算罪孽、颠覆轮回、昭雪沉冤、以怨煞之身屹立黑暗、抗衡旧序、搅动棋局、执掌变局;可一旦恨意消融、执念松动、心底滋生温柔、生根牵绊、心生眷恋,她赖以存续的唯一根基便会彻底崩塌、尽数瓦解、荡然无存、彻底归零,最终的结局依旧是形体溃散、神魂湮灭、归于虚无、永世不复、无人铭记、彻底消亡。
她被困在这道无解的宿命悖论之中整整百年,求生不得、求死不能、恨亦两难、柔亦两难、执着是毁灭、放下也是毁灭、坚守是消散、释然也是消散,从无出路、从无解脱、从无例外、从无转机、从无归途,天地无路、阴阳无门、岁月无解、宿命无情,只能独自困在爱恨的夹缝、生死的边界、明暗的缝隙、存续与湮灭的悖论之中,岁岁年年、孤寂沉沦、默默煎熬、无人共情。
地宫的阴冷死寂层层沉降、步步压实、紧紧笼罩,浓稠如墨的黑暗缓缓挤压、层层包裹、步步吞噬、牢牢禁锢,彻底封死了整片空间的所有气息、所有光亮、所有生机、所有退路、所有转机。每一寸幽暗都化作无形的温柔刀刃,无声切割着两人之间转瞬即逝的温存、脆弱不堪的羁绊、短暂难得的安稳、渺茫微弱的希望,在无声无息之间,将救赎与毁灭、温柔与消亡、相守与别离、新生与湮灭的极致对立层层放大、死死定格、静静沉淀。
“你来之后,我心里好像有什么在化。”
她的声音愈发轻柔、愈发微弱、愈发缥缈,像是随时会融入黑暗、归于虚无,眼底的茫然与忐忑愈发清晰、愈发浓重、愈发深刻,那是跨越百年时光、穿透生死壁垒、挣脱仇恨桎梏、突破孤寂牢笼后,第一次触碰人间温柔、遇见纯粹赤诚、心生牵绊眷恋的无措与惶恐。
“那层冻了一百二十年的冰、积了一百二十年的恨、熬了一百二十年的孤寂、锁了一百二十年的心结,在一点点软、一点点融、一点点消、一点点破。”
“我不知道那是好,还是坏。”
她是真的不知道,也无从知晓、无从预判、无从抉择、无从逃脱。百二十年来,她以恨为骨、以怨为血、以孤为魂、以杀为生,靠着滔天戾气熬过无尽幽暗、靠着复仇执念撑过岁岁年年、靠着极致冷漠隔绝所有温柔、靠着满心怨恨抵御所有沉沦,恨意是她唯一的铠甲、唯一的根基、唯一的存续、唯一的寄托、唯一的宿命。
可代川玉的出现,像一缕穿透万古长夜的暖阳、一滴落入寒冰深渊的温水、一束撕开百年幽暗的微光,悄无声息地融化了她根植神魂的冰冷恨意、打破了她百年不变的孤寂宿命、撕开了她无解轮回的闭环绝境、唤醒了她尘封百年的柔软本心。心底的坚冰消融,是跨越百年的救赎、是挣脱黑暗的新生、是摆脱仇恨的解脱、是告别孤寂的期许,却也是步步走向湮灭的毁灭、慢慢归于虚无的终局、静静走向消亡的宿命。
挣脱了仇恨的牢笼,便要失去存续的根基;触碰到了百年未有的温柔,便要迎来彻底虚无的结局;告别了无尽的孤寂,便要奔赴永恒的别离;拥有了唯一的牵绊,便要承受最终的湮灭。救赎即是毁灭,新生即是消亡,温柔即是别离
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