第三章 穿睡衣坠空

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一股气流,把她推得踉跄前冲——看上去像主动投怀送抱。
    少年被猝不及防撞个满怀,两人一起跌进房间。房里是一整面墙的监视法阵,数百面水镜实时播放城市上空的交通情况:龙群排队、飞毯塞车、热气球网约车……其中一面水镜,正回放她裹着“封口膜”砸瓦顶的窘态,弹幕飘过:
    “#兔子拖鞋空降热搜#”
    阿尔芙社恐发作,脑袋“嗡”地炸开,只想原地消失。偏偏这时系统面板弹出:
    【支线②:向空管科长解释误会,成功可获飞行驾照(临时)】
    失败惩罚:公开处刑——循环播放坠楼视频24h
    她立刻把披风拉上来,盖住脸,当只鸵鸟。少年却先一步掀开披风,逼迫她对视:“名字。”
    “……阿尔芙。”声音小得几乎嚼碎在齿缝。
    “年龄?”
    “二、二十四。”
    “职业?”
    “……无业,前社畜,PPT专八。”
    少年眉梢微挑,似乎被“PPT”这个陌生缩写击中。他抬手,在空中写下一行发着蓝光的文字:新物种技能?
    系统立刻殷勤解释:PowerPoint——精神污染系禁咒,可让敌人在短时间内观看300页动画,造成眩晕/困倦/自我怀疑三重debuff。
    少年沉默两秒,评价:“危险等级上调。”
    四
    扣押流程刚走到“收缴法器”一步,吸管圣剑忽然自行旋转,剑尖在地面画了一个圆。圆内地板瞬间透明,显现高空俯瞰图:一条由石阶拼接的“云梯”正从城市边缘迅速崩塌,塌陷速度呈指数级上升,预计二十分钟后将吞噬王都东区。
    少年脸色骤变,顾不得阿尔芙,转身冲到控制台前,连下三道禁空令。然而云梯崩塌像被写死的服务器漏洞,每刷新一次,缺口反而扩大。更诡异的是,塌陷中心,有团墨绿色史莱姆果冻正被狂风撕扯——杰里。它手里高举那只遗落的兔子拖鞋,像在挥舞求救信号。
    系统面板再次弹出,这次字体血红:
    【主线①·进阶:修补“高空接驳梯”漏洞,确保早高峰前恢复运营】
    失败惩罚:全城交通瘫痪,电击升级为全糖模式(致死量)
    阿尔芙只想跑路,可吸管圣剑强行把她拽到控制台,剑柄“叮”地伸出一条数据线,对接控制台接口。屏幕瞬间切到“debug”模式,满屏滚动的代码,她竟看得懂——
    //if(step.isEmpty()){collapse=true;}
    //TODO:回填step,补null
    ——这算什么?异世界也用JavaScript?!
    少年转头看她,目光复杂:“你会修?”
    阿尔芙哆嗦,却下意识点头。前世,她最擅长的就是给祖传屎山代码打补丁:注释掉、retry、trycatch、finally全量重启。她手指悬在键盘,先干第一件最熟悉的事:
    Ctrl+S,创建副本。
    然后注释掉那一行“collapse=true”。
    再然后——回车。
    世界静默三秒。
    云梯塌陷停止,风停了,杰里抱着兔子拖鞋在镜头里比出“OK”手势。
    控制台警报解除,红灯转绿。
    少年看她的眼神,从“疑似危险分子”变成“稀有技术人才”。
    系统提示:
    【临时飞行驾照已发放,备注:仅限debug模式】
    【王都空管科已向您发出offer:交通维护工程师,年薪30万魔币,附赠住房】
    阿尔芙却一点也高兴不起来。因为她清楚,注释只是掩耳盗铃,真正的bug根源还没找到。而且,全糖电击像把达摩克利斯之剑悬在头顶,二十四小时内不提交“永久修复方案”,她依旧会被电成七分熟。
    五
    少年——艾兰——决定带她回总部。走出阳台,她才发现所谓“总部”是一艘倒悬的空中战舰,船腹朝下,甲板朝上,像被翻转的鲸鱼。战舰用铁索牵引着整座塔楼,塔楼仅是“指挥塔”的尖端。他们沿着塔壁外侧的螺旋阶梯下行,阶梯无护栏,每踩一步,木板就浮现一行代码:
    printf(“welcomecoder\n“);
    风大得能把脸皮吹变形。阿尔芙死死攥住披风,生怕自己再被掀下去。兔子拖鞋只剩一只,她干脆把另一只也脱下,塞进披风口袋,光脚走路。石阶冰凉,却意外地不割脚,像被无数程序员盘过,圆润得发光。
    途中,艾兰语速极快地向她介绍:
    “接驳梯项目由‘深渊物流’、‘王都空管’、‘云端基建’三家联合开发,用的框架叫OpenLadder,版本3.14,开源。但三个月前,深渊物流私自加了插件,导致空指针泄漏
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