009节 一件袈裟引起的血案
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，腹肌八块不嫌多！到时候连牛魔王都要找我拍健身广告！”刚要把“悟空牌仙丹”塞进血盆大口，悟空突然在他肚子里开蹦迪：“妖怪！快交袈裟！不然我在这蹦迪三天三夜，让你体验‘熊生肠子过山车’！现在播放《最炫民族风》，摇摆起来！”
黑熊精原地表演“熊式托马斯回旋”，熊掌拍地震得山洞都在抖，活像只被踩了尾巴的熊，嘴里还哀嚎：“哎呀妈呀！肚子里有猴啊！救命啊！我要拉猴屎了！这猴子在我肠子里开派对，还放DJ音乐，我肠子要打结啦！”疼得满地打滚，熊毛都滚成了灰毛球，连山洞里的蝙蝠都被震得集体搬家。观音现身后，黑熊还想耍赖，举起黑缨枪就刺，结果金箍套一紧，瞬间变成“被封印的熊宝宝”，跪地哭嚎：“菩萨饶命！我愿当守山‘熊保安’！再也不敢偷袈裟当秋裤了！求您让这猴祖宗从我肠子里出来吧！我肠子要穿孔了！以后我每天给袈裟擦三遍灰，比伺候丈母娘还勤快！”
悟空从鼻孔窜出来，满脸是鼻涕，还沾着几根熊毛，嫌弃地甩手：“这熊的呼吸系统真该去洗洗！肠子比下水道的味儿还冲！下次我进去得带防毒面具！”黑熊精欲哭无泪：我招谁惹谁了，偷个袈裟还附赠“体内清洁服务”！这猴是来取经还是来拆熊的？更惨的是，他发现自己放的屁都带着仙丹的金光，吓得赶紧捂住屁股：“菩萨，我这屁都成佛光特效了，不会要飞升了吧？”
悟空扛着袈裟飞回观音院，袈裟闪得跟迪厅灯球似的，差点闪瞎了全院和尚的眼。唐僧感动得差点表演“袈裟吻”，捧着袈裟跟捧着失散多年的孩子似的：“悟空，你真是为师的救星啊！这袈裟连个线头都没少，跟新的一样，连黑熊的熊毛都没粘上！为师决定，今晚加餐，给你做素斋佛跳墙！”（内心小剧场疯狂加戏：要是观音再晚来一秒，我可能就要在熊肚子里开火锅店了！锅底都用熊胆汁调！）八戒在旁流口水，心里想：“这佛跳墙里要是能加蘑菇该多好啊，哪怕是素的也好。师父可真是偏心，每次有好事都想着大师兄，不过大师兄这次也确实立了大功。”
寺里和尚们集体彩虹屁：“孙长老威武！这波操作比斗地主王炸还爽，直接给黑熊精来了个‘肠子炸弹’！以后咱寺院的安全就靠孙长老了，连蚊子都不敢叮咱们！”悟空得意地甩着金箍棒，尾巴翘得比旗杆还高：“小意思！下次再有妖怪，我直接给他表演‘猴版胸口碎大石’，碎完还能在他胸口蹦个迪！对了，黑熊精的熊掌我留了一对，今晚烤了当夜宵，师父您来点？”
第二天师徒继续西行，唐僧的袈裟闪得跟装了LED灯似的，引来了无数蝴蝶跟着飞舞，活像袈裟自带“蝴蝶特效”。悟空在前头蹦跶，嘴里唱着改编版《敢问路在何方》：“路在熊屁股后，妖在金箍棒下，俺老孙就是取经界的灭霸！打妖怪就像踩蟑螂！踩完还能收‘妖魂’当战利品！”白龙马翻了个白眼，蹄子在地上划拉：“这猴哥怕不是喝多了快乐水，净整些中二台词。下次打妖怪记得留点，我的龙鳞都快生锈了！”八戒在身后嘟囔：“大师兄，下次打妖怪记得留点，俺老猪的钉耙都生锈了！连耙子齿都掉了一颗，你得赔我！”
黑风山则成了“烧烤遗址”，悟空临走前一把火把洞烧成“熊版烧烤摊”，连黑熊私藏的蜂蜜罐都烤成了焦糖，甜香味飘出十里地，引来了无数蚂蚁排着队来舔。多年后，废墟上长出片竹林，竹子上还隐隐有黑熊精被金箍棒敲出的包，游客们都说：“看！这就是当年孙悟空给黑熊精留下的‘熊生教训纪念林’，每根竹子都是他的‘熊生黑历史’！”更有甚者，山脚开了家“黑风山烧烤摊”，招牌菜就是“金箍棒蜂烤熊掌”，传说配方来自黑熊精珍藏的烧烤秘方，生意火爆到连天庭的仙官都偷偷来打卡。哪吒还发朋友圈炫耀：“打卡黑风山烧烤！熊掌配孟婆汤，一口入魂！”
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