004节 入地上天，大圣初入职
笔趣阁(biquge321.com)更新快，无弹窗！
批下来报销！要是再被戳破，你自己垫钱修！”先锋官巨灵神抡着宣花斧跟悟空对砍三回合，斧头被金箍棒打成“两截烧烤签子”，哭着逃回：“大王！那猴子的金箍棒是‘神器顶配版’，我的斧头是拼多多9.9包邮的假货啊！他还嘲笑我的盔甲是‘地摊货，一戳就破，连地府的孟婆都比我的防御高’！他说他连马粪都能当暗器扔，比我斧头还厉害！”哪吒气得头发直竖，变身三头六臂冲上去。悟空也变三头六臂，三根金箍棒舞得跟风火轮似的。打着打着，悟空突然拔根猴毛变出分身，真身绕到哪吒背后，一棒子敲在他胳膊上。哪吒疼得龇牙咧嘴，边跑边喊：“你作弊！说好单挑呢？你找代打！我要投诉到天庭HR，举报你‘使用外挂’！还有，你打我的那棒子算工伤，天庭得给我报销医药费！”玉帝在凌霄殿听着战报，气得把仙茶都泼了，正准备召唤十万天兵天将时，太白金星又冒出来，笑得像推销成功的老油条：“陛下，不如封他‘齐天大圣’，挂个虚职，给他配个专属办公室，放满仙桃和游戏机，再派嫦娥去给他当‘职场导师’，教他‘如何优雅摸鱼’，保证他乐不思蜀！顺便把他的直播收入分天庭三成，咱们还能创收！”
悟空一听“齐天大圣”的名头，乐得原地蹦迪，金箍棒转得像风车：“早说嘛！以后天庭就是我的‘后花园’，蟠桃园是我的‘零食仓库’，御马监的马毛我全要了，给孩儿们做保暖内衣！嫦娥小姐姐，以后咱们一起拍‘天庭职场Vlog’，标题就叫《揭秘玉帝的私房菜谱，附赠蟠桃采摘技巧》！要是点赞破百万，咱开个‘天庭网红培训班’，收徒费五斤仙桃！”临走还特意在花果山大旗上补了行小字：“齐天大圣——天庭官方认证，永久VIP，到期自动续费！附赠花果山门票，鬼魂半价，天庭员工打八折！扫码关注直播间，可抢‘悟空同款金箍棒体验券’，仅限前888名！”玉帝无奈点头，暗地里让财神爷扣了太白金星半年的俸禄，嘀咕道：“这老狐狸，又给天庭找了个烫手山芋！不过……让他和嫦娥拍Vlog，说不定能帮天庭宣传‘神仙友好职场形象’，拉一波新神仙入职？要是能靠直播创收，把悟空的破坏费赚回来，也算值了！”
从此，天庭多了一位“挂名大圣”，每日不是偷吃蟠桃，就是拿金箍棒在云上刻字，还拉着嫦娥拍“神仙Vlog”，标题写着《天庭一日游：揭秘玉帝的私房菜谱》。视频里，悟空边啃蟠桃边爆料：“玉帝的麻辣蟠桃秘方是加了地府的辣椒，吃完能喷火！下次直播教大家如何用蟠桃核种仙树，天庭员工打八折！”观众们在评论区纷纷留言：“大圣666！这秘方太绝了！”“求种仙树教程！”太白金星看着天庭报销单上不断飙升的维修费，默默掏出算盘，盘算着如何把悟空的“摸鱼工资”扣回来。而悟空呢，正美滋滋地在齐天大圣府挂起横幅：“天庭最佳摸鱼奖得主——孙悟空，专注带薪休假一百年，欢迎各界神仙前来交流摸鱼经验！”底下还附赠他的最新发明：“天庭摸鱼神器——金箍棒自动打卡机，可代刷考勤，天庭HR亲测无效！扫码购买，附赠猴毛护体符咒！”财神爷看着账本直叹气：“这猴子，把天庭职场搅得鸡飞狗跳，偏偏直播收入还成了天庭鸡滴屁增长点……真是又爱又恨啊！”
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